Quest for Eureka of all Eurekas

Charles Bukowski asked:

“Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?”

I post a semi-regular quote to a chalk board at our coffee house, and while searching for quotes this one stuck out, so I saved it for later review. Over the next several days, as things like this tend to do, the question kept peculating into the forefront of my thoughts. through experience and conscious effort, I have learned to pay attention when my subconscious does this. My recently read books all touch on this subject, and this seems to be a key to making sense of them all... a central thread to pull on... a potential "shatter-point" (a concept that I use to describe my eureka moments).

My answer to the question itself is a qualified "No." First of all "The world" began telling me who I should be long before my memories kick in. But that misses the point and I know it. Another qualifier is that I have no desire to be childishly hedonistic which most discussion on the topic tends to imply. That is what I think makes this quote stand out from the rest (for me). It is not about doing the things that you did when you were a child; it is not even about being who you were then (not really). It's just a question. But, to answer it, that one question requires you to ask yourself many questions that many people don't often consider about themselves.

• Who does "the world" want me to be?
• Who is "the world" in my life?
• When did "the world" start telling me who it wanted me to be?
• Who was I then?

That's just what's required to answer the question. I imagine that at this point most people will ask themselves a few more (I sure did):

• Why did "the world" tell me to be this way?
  • Was that for my benefit or (just) theirs?
• Was "the world" right?
• What would have happened if I had ignored "the world"
• Which version of me would I rather be?
  • Can I pick a third option?
  • How can I craft the BEST version of me using this knowledge?

These 15 words are doing a lot of work.

Shortly after seeing this quote for the first time I read a book called "How to Ikigai" by Tim Tamashiro. Some of the instruction was about attempting to rediscover what it is that you enjoyed as a young child before you were taught to behave. Again on the surface this seems to be childishly hedonistic advice, but having already been churning on the Bukowski quote already, it piqued my interest in the topic to a higher level. I took some time to consider the question posed by the book:

What is my half-Ikigai?

This leads to 2 questions pertinent to this post:

• What is it that I would love to do with my life?
• What am I good at?

The best thing that I can come with at this time is that I enjoy "making sense of the world around me." I love "EUREKA!" moments. That fits my experiences in my career, in my personal life, and what I gravitated towards as a child. That I get so many opportunities to have these moments and help others make sense of their own work has long been my favorite part of what I do for a living.

I am not quite convinced that this fully answers the questions... it seems generic and broad. I am good at riding my curiosity until I find that eureka moment and I enjoy it, but that doesn't:

1. translate to a specific job  
2. mean that it the best answer  
3. satisfy my need for a eureka moment (I already knew this about myself)

I wonder if there are 2 lessons that point #3 has for me. Firstly, perhaps those moments are more important to me than I realized if I crave it even in this at it's own expense. Secondly, maybe what I love to do shouldn't be such a mystery to me that I am shocked when I discover it. I take these both as positive signs that I may found the right answer.

Thus I continue seeking.